Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What drink are we having for lunch?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
