Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
