erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
