so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
