I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
