I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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