dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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