You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he thought i was a dude.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
