Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My life is pants optional.
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