i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You smell like stripper and shame
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
