i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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