He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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