I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
