I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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