Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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