one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
