people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
