I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
