I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
