Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
