dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
