thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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