its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
