I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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