38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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