He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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