Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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