does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
