i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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