Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
