I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
