Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
