she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
