I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
