oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
