in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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