she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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