things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How external is "for external use only"?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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