I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
