Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
