Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
