I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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