Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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