You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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