She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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