Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
