I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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