Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
