Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
