he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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