if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
