i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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