remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
