I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
