There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
