Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
