hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
