I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize