you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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