Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
