I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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