Apparently you make a good broom.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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