Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
