My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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