So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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