so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sex in a hospital.. check
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
