So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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