Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
