Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
