I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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