guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
