It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
