i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
