I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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