we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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