I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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