carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
