Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
