I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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