Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
