I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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