I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
