i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
