i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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