I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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