went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
